Well, no one has the same fear as me, which is not entirely unsurprising. But, the comments led me to some questions.
Several people stated they fear being alone. I have no problems being alone. But I fear lonliness. I think there's a difference. thoughts?
is it worse to be alone, or to be in love alone. ie, being in a relationship, but being with a partner who does not feel as strongly as you do? (this is my fear)
is there in fact, a difference between being alone and being lonley?
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9 comments:
I see them as two very different things. To me, being alone means that there's physically no one around you. Lonely is an emotion. You can be surrounded by thousands of people and still feel lonely.
As for your question about what's worse, I'm not really qualified to answer that.
Being Crazy Cat Lady alone would indeed suck.
I think that to desperately love someone who doesn't return the feeling would be much worse than being alone.
Being the person in the relationship who doesn't feel as strongly is also difficult. It's a deeply uncomfortable feeling to not be able to return another's love for you. Especially when you care about the person but not in a soul deep love kind of way.
being crazy cat lady is better than being crazy denial lay who hangs in with someone who doesn't love them. I think the worst thing is being alone in your head when you know that you have created it yourself. I prefer being on my own and having good friends and fam and hell yeah 100 cats, to being in a relationship where my freinds draw back because they can see what's going on and the guy doesn't love me.
two different things
you can be with someone and still be lonely. been there done that - hey I should write a book!
I completely agree with Rachel. Being "lonely" is feeling something. And being alone is actually, really, being alone. No one else around. Two completely seperate things.
For me, being lonely is worse. Mostly because it's an emotion that is usually tied to other emotions (abandonment, sadness, etc) and is not easily "fixed" (even though I don't like that word when it comes to emotions). Being physically alone is easy to solve, go find someone to be around.
Being lonely and being in a relationship is hard. I will admit that although I know I am never really truly alone, I still feel lonely sometimes.
Did that all make sense?
I'm kind of torn. You can be physically alone, which is different from feeling lonely. Being alone physically can lead to you feeling lonely. At the same time, you can feel alone ("I feel so alone in this world."), but not necessarily feel lonely. So rather than being the same or being different, I think alone/lonely are connected, even when they don't mean the same thing. Does that make sense?
I think feeling like you are without love would be the fear that drives many of us to settle for relationships that aren't good to us. Which leads to one person being in love alone, or not returning feelings as strongly as the other person does. Both situations are difficult. I'm not sure that any relationship will truly have an equitable division of feelings. I think there will always be someone who loves more and someone who loves less; it is just the degree to which that happens.
update me!
I'm totally with your blog. Update please.
Before that happens, I'll offer all I can here. Loneliness and being alone? Opposite ends of the spectrum in my mind. I revel in being alone but have rarely felt lonely at the same time. I think that the line between lonely and misunderstood is blurry. I can recall times of feeling like no one understood me or my circumstances and that is kind of an alone-in-the-world feeling and that sucks. But as far as alone physically or alone as in single? Totally not the same thing as lonely and I think you can be both of those things (physically alone and/or single) without feeling lonely.
Did I just make any sense?
now - I don't like feeling lonely, but that's nothing to be alone for me. By being alone I mean being the last of my family and loved ones - that there's noone left who cares about what happens to me. No friends no family.
I have no problems with solitude as long as I know there's people out there who cares about me..
Now - I read one of your "old" postings - about the name of your blog - how about calling it "At the end/age/beginning (you choose) of Dawn" or something?
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