What are the qualities of a good friend?
Selflessness?
Honesty?
I need to know. I'm brutally honest, but am about the most selfish person on the face of the planet.
And the brutal honesty can be harmful too.
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pretty much a narcissistic view of my life, assuming that others want to know all about me and mine.
7 comments:
brutal honesty can be harmful, but there are times when it's also necessary.
I don't need someone to be completely selfless before they can be my friend. I do need someone who understands me, who can laugh with me, who I enjoy spending time around with because they're cool, someone who's pretty laid-back, etc. I mean, everyone's selfish to some extent. If they aren't, they're a complete doormat, and those types can be annoying.
Brutal honesty? That can be harsh, yeah, but I don't need a friend who lies to me at every turn, either. A happy middle that tends towards honesty is good. I'll also agree with Rach, though - there are situations where it is a necessity.
Too much honesty can be a bad thing. I'm a big fan of the little white lie, but you can tell also the truth without being brutal about it. A little tact is not a horrible thing. While I tend to say whatever comes to mind, you'd be surprised at my restraint in the things I don't say.
As to selfishness, everyone's looking out for number one. Unless they're Mother Theresa, no one is completely selfless. That said, someone who's only about me, me, me isn't really a friend. If all they can think about is how their life is upset by an event (extreme example - a friend was laid off and can't go with you to Cancun and you freak out at the friend for cancelling), then they are demonstrating that they couldn't care less about you and really aren't worth having as a "friend" anyway.
My opinion: a friend can say anything to you - brutally honest, heart wrenching, freak you out - and you still love them, respect them and tell them your secrets. Don't make your friends responsible for your response to their words/actions.
A friend is someone you care about. They forgive you when you screw up (and vice versa). (There might be hurt feelings for a while, though.) Frienship takes a certain level of selflessness, but not complete selflessness. I'm not pet-sitting any snakes, no matter how close the friend is.
I'm a firm believer in honesty, but I agree with our anonymous friend: a little tact goes a long way when it comes to honesty.
frienship should not be difficult. if it requires that much work, it's called a marriage. if you're not getting what you want or need out of the relationship, you should cut your ties and move on to people you do enjoy. seriously, whatever's bothering you seems to be causing more chaos in your life than it's worth.
I've been trying to think of something intelligent to add to this, but am coming up short. I do have a lot of thoughts though, maybe sometime today I'll be able to get them together.
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